My first course of Vipassana

Vipassana is one of India's oldest meditation and introspection techniques, taught over 2,500 years ago as a treatment for common ailments, but also as an art of living.

In Buddha's time, "passana" meant seeing in the ordinary sense, with open eyes. Vipassana means to see and observe things as they really are, not as they appear.

"Apparent reality must be penetrated until we reach the ultimate truth of the whole physical and mental structure. When we experience this truth, we learn to stop reacting blindly, to stop creating impurities - and of course the old impurities are gradually eradicated. We become free from all suffering and experience true happiness. - Mr. S.N. Goenka

This is an account of a brother's personal experience and a contribution to his academic study of social work in Munich, Germany. He describes in detail the challenges and discoveries of this special and fascinating immersion into deep contact with oneself on a retreat, better known as the 10-day course offered by Vipassana.

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As part of my social work studies, I participated in the Munich Model, a course offered by Prof. Dr. Andreas de Bruin at the Munich University of Applied Sciences since 2010. The Munich Model is a course on mindfulness and meditation in a university context, in which more than 2000 students have participated so far. (see de Bruin 2021, p.11) It was there that I first heard about Vipassana meditation when the documentary "Dhamma Brothers" was shown. The documentary follows a group of prisoners in the USA who complete a ten-day Vipassana meditation course at the Donaldson Correction Facility. This powerful movie stayed with me until the end of my studies, so I decided to write my bachelor's thesis on "Meditation in Prison". During my research I learned about the Vipassana courses offered and conducted in Hausham. After an exchange with Prof. Dr. de Bruin, I came up with the idea of doing a 10-day course myself as part of my bachelor's thesis.

Due to the high demand for Vipassana courses throughout Europe, it has proven difficult to register for such a course. The courses are usually fully booked on the day of publication. I finally got one of the coveted spots on the waiting list. Vipassana is a meditation technique from the Buddhist tradition, also known as insight meditation. The ancient Indian word vipassana literally means "insight" and refers to mindful awareness of reality in the here and now. Vipassana means to see reality as it actually is. Through mindful observation of bodily sensations, the meditator becomes increasingly sensitive in his or her perception. Through constant observation, the meditator enters deeper stages of meditation and is said to gain insight into the true nature of things.

When I arrived at the course site, I first had to fill out a registration form and turn in my cell phone, which was kept until the end of the course. In general, care was taken to keep distractions to a minimum so that all participants could concentrate on their meditation. The course location in Hausham is actually a youth hostel that is converted for the duration of the course. During the course, I shared a room with four other male participants. There is a strict segregation of the sexes, which is enforced by barriers and curtains. Only in the Dhamma Hall (meditation hall) are all students in the same room. However, even here the male students are seated separately from the female students. Generally, a distinction is made between old and new students. Old students are those who have completed at least one ten-day Vipassana course.

It is important to familiarize yourself with all the rules before starting a course. For example, the "Noble Silence" should be observed during the first nine days of the course. This means that the participants should not communicate with each other (not even with facial expressions or gestures), so as not to distract the others or disturb or influence their spiritual process. An outline of the daily schedule, which was the same each day except for minor changes, was posted on the bulletin board. We woke up every day at 4 o'clock on the dot with a gong. This gong always introduced the meditation sessions, which could last several hours. There were always short breaks between the sessions, during which you had the opportunity to walk around the grounds and rest. In addition to breakfast, which usually consisted of porridge with dried fruit and some bread, lunch was served at 11:00. After that, the old students had nothing to eat. The new students received some fruit at 5:00 p.m. Every day from 7:15 p.m. to 8:15 p.m. there was a lecture by S.N. Goenka in video format, where you could choose between the original English lecture and a German translation.

In the evening lectures, the techniques practiced during the day were explained with theoretical background. The last meditation ended punctually at 9 pm so that the students could go to their rooms and go to bed. In the Dhamma Hall, all students were assigned their fixed seats for the coming days. There was a supply of meditation cushions and blankets that could be borrowed. However, many participants brought their own meditation pillows. The hall slowly filled and the two assistant teachers entered the room. They sat enthroned in the lotus position at the far end of the room on a small elevation so that they could be clearly seen by everyone. Nearly 100 people were now listening to the instructions of S.N. Goenka, whose recording was playing over the loudspeakers. The original English recording was followed by a German translation. At the beginning and end of each meditation session, chants were sung by Goenka to create the right atmosphere.

For the first three days, we were to concentrate only on our breathing. On our natural breathing, as Goenka emphasized again and again. We were explicitly not to consciously inhale or take deeper breaths, but rather to let the automatic breath come and go on its own. The purpose of this exercise was to prepare us for Vipassana meditation by concentrating on a meditation object that became smaller and smaller each day. First we were to observe the whole area of the nose, the entrance of the two nostrils and the nasal passages. We should feel the air flowing in and out. Finally, only the area above the upper lip and below the nostrils was left to observe our breath.

I reached my limit the very first day. My body really resisted sitting for hours. At first I was overcome by an inner restlessness, then the pain started. I kept changing my sitting position to try to control the pain. But physical pain wasn't the only problem. Wild thoughts and daydreams made it difficult to meditate. I kept having doubts about whether I would make it through the 10 days or if I shouldn't go home. "How did I get here?" I thought to myself. But I didn't want to give up so easily, so I stayed. For three days I concentrated only on my own breathing. I reached my limits again. The thoughts and daydreams got better every day, but my inner voice didn't really want to calm down. My body slowly got used to the long periods of sitting, but my weaknesses were made clear to me. Before the course, I thought that the long periods of silence would cause me the most problems. I was wrong. My knees felt like I had been walking for hours. To counteract this, I started stretching before, after and in between sessions. "Hopefully my legs will hold up," I thought to myself.

The evening talks were my anchor because I knew the day would soon be over. And I felt that Goenka was speaking directly to me. He was talking about the physical and mental strain that I had experienced firsthand, and this was obviously part of it. It was a normal reaction of the body and mind to fight back. After all, we are not used to sitting and meditating for long periods of time. He emphasized the determination and discipline that all students should have. You should follow the instructions and directions exactly, only then can Vipassana work. I wanted to give the technique a try. I was determined to stick with it for the whole 10 days. Each time a moment of doubt arose, I would gather myself and focus on a meditation object. Over time, my doubts became quieter and less frequent until they disappeared completely.

The fourth day was a very exciting day for all the new students, because on the fourth day we would finally begin Vipassana. The first three days were just preparation days to sharpen our concentration. The fourth day was marked on the schedule as "Vipassana Day" and we were to begin in the afternoon. Fully motivated and slightly excited, I spent the last few hours concentrating on my breath. I had read about what to expect before the course. However, my focus was more on the conditions and rules that needed to be followed. For example, I knew that Vipassana was an insight meditation. I didn't know anything about the actual technique.

The first Vipassana session was scheduled for two hours of meditation. Goenka's tape began, and he introduced us to the technique. First he talked about Addithana sitting, which we were to practice three times a day for one hour each. In addithana sitting, the meditator should not change position during the entire meditation. This is to strengthen one's discipline and determination. Then we immediately began with a guided Vipassana meditation, which I would compare most closely to the body scan I learned in Prof. Dr. De Bruin's course. During meditation, you are supposed to scan all parts of the body in your mind and objectively observe all sensory perceptions that occur in the part you are observing. Objectively here means objectively and equanimously, without judgment. Whether it is a pleasant sensation like tickling or an unpleasant sensation like pain. Goenka always led us with concentration from the head to the feet and from the feet back to the head. No part of the body was to be left out.

I was relieved to finally have a new object to meditate on instead of concentrating on my breathing. After the three days of preparation, I no longer found it difficult to focus my concentration on a specific point or to let it wander through my body. Especially since I usually concentrate on a point between my eyebrows during my almost daily meditation at home. Nevertheless, there were some places or even whole parts of my body where I felt little or no sensation. These included my upper arms and shoulders, for example. Pain was by far my clearest sensation in the beginning. Toward the end of the Aditthana sessions, my back and legs were particularly sore, making it almost impossible for me to maintain my posture. I remembered Goenka's words about meeting all sensory perceptions with equanimity and the determination we should express in the Aditthana sitting.

The lectures also dealt repeatedly with the Universal Law of Change, which states that the only constant in the universe is change. All material things that we can see or touch are constantly changing. They can take on a new state (e.g. aggregate states), break or disintegrate at some point. The smallest particles are in constant motion. Thus, solid bodies appear rigid, although they are composed of a mass of constantly moving atoms. We should be constantly aware of this law of the universe in meditation. Everything is impermanent and constantly changing. Even our own body and all sensory perceptions are expressions of change. Every sensory perception (whether pleasant or unpleasant) has the same characteristic. It appears and disappears after a while. Some gross sensations, such as pain, can last for a long time, and some subtle sensations, such as tingling, can last for a long time. But both have the same characteristic that they arise but sooner or later disappear. For me, the model of the law of the universe, the law of change, was logically coherent in itself because it is a universal model that can be applied to all things (material or immaterial).

With this realization, I continued meditating and was able to experience the law of impermanence for myself. As great as my physical pain was while sitting, it also disappeared a few minutes after the meditation. After the fourth day, I entered a kind of flow state and the daily routine became routine. I had less trouble getting up early, and I no longer spent my breaks in bed trying to catch up on sleep. I used the time for small activities and tried to maintain my mindfulness at all times. Walking outside and observing my surroundings could feel like meditation. I felt my consciousness begin to shift and I noticed things I would never have noticed before. I felt that my awareness was heightened and I became more sensitive to my outer world and to the things that were going on inside me. Of course, there were times when the meditation sessions seemed like an eternity and I couldn't get into deeper states. When I felt like it, I would leave the hall to get a few minutes of fresh air and then continue meditating in my room. These short breaks allowed me to recharge my batteries for the rest of the time. So the days went by, one after another, with small ups and downs. Like a mantra, Goenka kept repeating his words, urging us to work continuously and persistently, and to make the most of the time we had left.

From the seventh day on, I felt that the course was coming to an end. From then on, we were not allowed to take breaks during the meditation sessions. The technique was already having a positive effect on my awareness and mindfulness. My meditation became deeper and deeper, and I began to perceive more subtle sensations that had previously remained hidden from me. I could also feel sensations all over my body. From now on, we should direct our attention in a flow through the body. From the head to the feet and back to the head. We were to perceive different parts of the body at the same time, and direct our attention through the whole body. I was determined to make the most of the remaining days and tried to keep breaks to a minimum. Even in the Dhamma Hall you could literally feel the increase in concentration and seriousness among the students.

The ninth day was the day when the Noble Silence was to end. This meant that we were allowed to communicate with each other again after leaving the Dhamma Hall. It was an exciting day for all the students, because before everyone had been more or less self-centered. Now we had a chance to share our experiences. There was a lot of laughter and we got to know the people we had seen for 9 days without being able to exchange a word. It was a very interesting experience because I was confronted with my prejudices about people I didn't know. People were often very different from what I had imagined all along. From then on, the women were also allowed to visit the men's area during breaks. As a result, there was a lively exchange among those present (except during the remaining meditation times). A very mindful and conscious communication that lasted well into the night.

In the meditation after the evening lecture on the ninth day, I had probably the most memorable moment of the whole course. Once again, we were to focus our attention from head to toe. As in the previous days, I first concentrated on the highest point of my head, which was about three centimeters in diameter. It was as if an electrifying beam was hitting my head from above. I had never before had an intense sensory perception of my body during meditation. I could direct the point all over my head and it felt like electrical impulses happening at high speed. Like an intense tingling sensation that I could consciously direct over my head.

On the tenth day, there were only three meditation sessions, a lecture, and a joint meeting of male and female students in the men's and women's dining halls. Organizational matters were settled, such as assigning volunteers to help clean up on the day of departure. Meditation on the last day was a little more difficult for me because people were talking all day, which had a negative effect on my concentration. At the end of the last meditation, I felt a sense of relief and pride that I had persevered for the whole 10 days, despite the initial difficulties and doubts. The course was over. A very intense time with ups and downs. With very nice and not so nice moments. I would even say that this course was the biggest challenge of my life so far and demanded everything from me. But it was also one of the best experiences I have ever had and I am happy and grateful to have had this opportunity.

An experience report by Rafael Arteaga Gehrke